Paalam 'toy

When people ask me about my family, I always answer that I have a very big family. I have 1 mother, 2 fathers, 4 brothers and 1 sister. I always include Papa Louie and the members of Nineveh Artspace family. It’s so complicated for other people but for me it’s not. Because of them, I always believe that family is not only by being related by blood, but also through your emotions, acceptance, and love to each other. I never thought that I will have a real brother from different mother, and this is what I’m always grateful of.

I remember when I became part of the Nineveh Family last August 2005, we (I and Victor) were so cold to each other. We were just exchanging “Hi”, and cut the conversations immediately. I thought you (Victor) were so mad at me when I used most of your clothes in the house. :P After a year, we started talking to each other. Our conversation got often when you gave me my first musical score “Canon in D”. I was studying piano on my own, and you were giving me tips, although I don’t even get close to your skills. We conversed often. You became so talkative! lol We talked about papa, kuya vien, loloy, piolo, carlo, karsten, the sevilla’s, law school, politics, religion, music, arts, literally, anything under the sun.

On the 24th of December 2008, I remember it clearly. We had a heart to heart talk in San Pablo. That was the first time you opened up yourself to me. You opened up our family situation, about Kuya Jonas. You asked me if I could be your real brother (although we are not legally brothers). The brother that you will always run to, since kuya Jonas was gone. Then, the next scene was so silly when you asked who should be called “kuya”. Since I am older than 4 months old, you call me kuya. When you are calling me with my name, I know you are pissed off or angry with me. Then for the next years, it’s so strange that even though we are apart from each other, we never lose our bond. From that time on, we know that we are brothers.

When I decided to study here in Korea, you always call or message me. You are one of the few people who always ask how I am. You always have these crispy and juicy stories about your work, your studies, about our family. I remember that there were some months in 2014 that you didn’t talk to me because I didn’t give the name of the person I was dating. You felt that you were so untrustworthy. Then, we finally made up on the Christmas Eve. I know that our bond as brothers got stronger because of that. We got closer. We had our stories, dramas, and petty fights. There were times that you were asking me to introduce to some people because of your work. I got mad and shouted you on phone because you said “Ipakilala kitang parang kapatid” (to introduce you that we are like brothers) just to avoid further explanations. You know that I will never ever see you as “parang kapatid”, because we are brothers.

(Artwork by: tito nuki)

Last December 9 morning when I opened my eyes, I couldn’t believe what happened. At first, I didn’t know how to feel after reading the news in FB. I couldn’t even think properly. I called papa to confirm it. I messaged Carlo. Looked for kuya vien’s account. I still can’t believe it. I’m so shocked. We were just chatting last Thursday, telling me that there’s a new road to hasten our next trip to Baguio. We were just planning of your visit here in Korea with Papa some months ago. When I’m down because of my lab, you were always sending me message like “kaya yan! Kapit lang!” showing your deep support and faith that I can graduate next year. I was hoping that I can at least give you something for your studies. We were planning to save money for our family travels. We were just discussing how difficult being a student. We were just discussing about you and kring, your plans of settling with her. We were just talking about your office, law school, and my PhD life. You were just teasing me of my foolishness. We were… Vic. What happened?

After barely recovering for the last loss I had in my life, here it comes a new one…. But I know you, my dear brother, will be in Heaven. You will now see kuya Jonas often. You can play together again. Thank you for treating and accepting me as your brother, and as a member of the Family. Thank you for the joy, consoling, tears, quarrels, and love. I’m sorry if I can’t go home because of my passport problems. I wish I can see you. I wish you can play piano again while I’m singing in the house. I wish…. haaaays

Sa ika-siyam na araw ng iyong pagpanaw, paalam mahal kong kapatid. Sana alam mo kung gaano kahirap para sa akin ang hindi ka man lang masilayan bago ka ihatid sa iyong huling hantungan. Haaaays pero alam kong masaya ka na dyan sa langit. Siguro masaya ka na dyan kasi marami ng pwedeng kainin. wala ng bawal. hehehe. kaso wala ng alak jan. hahaha  Ikamusta mo ako kay Kuya Jonas at Tem. Hindi mo man marinig ang mga katagang ito, batid mo naman na mahal na mahal kita. Hanggang sa muling pagkikita.